One Strange Kid

Everyone has bad habits. Some are worse than others. I have a few that remain the same after all these years and some that don't exist anymore. When I was young I was a strange child. I know a lot of kids are weird but I was definitely unique. For some reason I did not want anyone to see my feet. Its the stupidest thing in the world because there is absolutely nothing wrong with my feet. They are actually kinda cute. Anyway, so here I am trying to hide my feet when possible. Socks were my heroes. If I was alone than it was no problem. I actually liked being barefoot. It just wasn't happening in public.

I used to be in gymnastics when I was a kid and was actually really good. They wanted me to start competing and everything. After a while I just wanted to do something else. But there was one issue I had with the balance beam. You had to be barefoot! Yikes. I asked so many times to wear something to cover them up but it wasn't happening. Before you know it, gymnastics was not more.

I also had a problem with eating in front of other people. This issue started from elementary and continued up until high school. It wasn't that I was starving myself, even though I was. The whole skinny thing had nothing to do with it. I was thin and looked fine. I just didn't like the idea of people watching me as I ate. Sounds retarded, I know. When I went to St. Genevieve's I used to hide my paper bag lunches in the coat closets and just let them collect. My teacher did not like that. Eventually, it would smell and all the kids got a laugh. I did this to be funny. I was a smart ass back then. Something I guess has never changed :) But because I was hiding them I did not eat. In high school it was the same except I did not bring lunch. Sometimes I would eat french fries or a donut and cut it up so it wouldn't be messy. But otherwise I hardly ate. Then later when I was alone I would gorge on food because I was so friggin hungy! Ridiculous. For some reason I also hated to ask for food. Like when my friends and I went to get something to eat I would ask one of them to put in my order. What a dope!

Another habit of mine that bothered people was my staring problem. Its not that I would stare people down. It was more of a daydreaming kind of stare. Just looking. I tend to do the same thing today. I can't help it sometimes. When there is a lot going on around me I get distracted and daydream off to weirdo land...haha. This habit, I believe, has led me to another obsessive trademark. The art of twirling. I have twirled my friggin hair for years and its something I cannot stop. The only time it was beneficial was when I had dreads. Otherwise, its something I do to be calm I guess. I was always a nervous person and twirling my hair helped. Especially, when I was staring off into la la land.

These all seem harmless and funny. Maybe even cute to some people. But there are more that aren't. I have been told that this next habit of mine is a serious problem. It is one I cannot stop. I know there are people out there who do the same. I have an obsessive addiction to picking my skin. Skin has always been a strange issue with me. As a child, I did everything I could to damage it in some way. Whether it was drawing on my body with marker, cutting and scarring it or ripping it apart. I found a way to distort was I was born with. Now I just get a lot of tattoos and pick away. It may sound gross to some. Hell, it sort of sounds gross to me. But I can't and will never stop.

You know my family used to always tell me to stop or else I would get gangrene and my fingers would have to get cut off. That obviously didn't work or happen. Nice try! Its a weird thing to do what I do but I don't view it as ugly. I look at my hands and my fingers and absolutely love how they look. I am very compulsive about having nails and if I don't see at least a 1/4 inch of skin on my fingertips I freak. I have never had or liked fingernails. Thats why I am so attracted when people bite them. There is something about it that comforts me. So picking my skin has gone through its stages but the issue remains. When I show people sometimes what I have done they can't believe I can do that to myself. I guess its my way of showing tough love..ha. I enjoy doing it, its relaxes me when I am stressed and I love how it looks. Why should I stop?

The last habit that I admit has gotten better over the years is my compulsive cleanliness. I hate dirt and dust and when something looks dirty I have to clean it. I have been known to go over people's houses and just start cleaning for them. I try not to be rude but if they aren't gonna do it than someone has to! I don't mind. I love to clean and always will. The world is such a better place when its clean.

So there you go. All of my bad habits on the table. I am glad to say that my "no eating in public" issue is gone. I don't care who is looking at me now. My staring problem has gotten a lot better. And that whole foot thing is over. Im barefoot all the time and don't have a care in the world who's around. I look back at these things I used to do and feel and find it crazy that I was like that. As I said before, I was a strange kid.