Never Give Up

Lately, my mind has been running me over. My thoughts consume every day, every hour and eventually every minute. Is this normal? I don't know because I am not sure if normal exists. But what I do know is that all my life I have been a passionate person. I am either hot or cold, crazy or sane. Very rarely am I in the middle with a question mark over my head. I know who I am. So I live with it. But every now and then...it gets to me. Never ending thoughts.

I feel so strongly about the changes I have been making in my life recently. I seem to be heading in a fresh, new direction and it feels right to take the path that I am. The more I think about what is really going on in this country the more I want to disappear. There are so many people that are blind to the truth. They just need to open their eyes and look.

Our healthcare is down the drain, our money is all gone, we are still at war, people can't get jobs, disease haunts millions each day, animals get tortured and killed, too many people are overweight and unhealthy, murderers and rapists continue to succeed, two people in love cannot marry and we are slowly losing our rights as free americans. That doesn't sound like a great country I want to live in. We are constantly tricked into buying harmful medications, lied about the food we are eating and being brainwashed into thinking that its the best country in the fuckin world! Wake up people! In order to really change things we need each other. All of us. Why is this so hard?

How can someone see an animal get killed then eat it?

Would you kill it yourself?

How can people eat meat and poultry when they know its pumped with chemicals and tortured memories?

Why not just choose organic?

How can someone have the option to buy organic and natural but choose Devil Dogs?

How can the government allow a bio-chemical company to patent the soy bean? This is crazy!

How is it possible that we all could lose the ability and the right to have an organic farm?

Why in the world would the people in power want to evolve its people in the wrong direction?

Why litter when you can throw something in the trash?

How can someone, with no remorse, torture and abuse an animal?

Why is it that when a person, especially a celebrity, gets raped or abused we all hear about it?

But when animals do, its hidden and not cared about.

How did this country turn into a horrible leach that sucks the life and power out of everything?

You know something. About 90% of the products out there on the shelves are not meant to be eaten. They are filled with additives, chemicals and scientific experiments. Is that what you want to put in your body? There is a healthier version of just about anything and everything out there, I promise. They taste better and don't do any harm. Do some good for yourself, your family and friends and your children most of all. They are going to be stuck living on this planet even when we are no longer here. Give them the information they need and the love they can't live without and they will go far. You make the biggest impression.

Enough with the greed. I am so sick of it. Some of you want everything you get your hands on and its disgusting. Others want to be able to hold the remote at all times. Do you enjoy them playing God? I don't.

I want every living creature on this planet to have a right to live. If they did we wouldn't be eating them. How would you like it if someone injected you with chemicals that made you so big your legs couldn't keep you up. Then put you in a large dirty area with so many other people the place felt like an outhouse. Feed you cheap food that is the opposite of what your body needs to be healthy. Weeks go by that feel like months and then a bunch of people you don't know come and take you away. And for most of you comes torture. So on top of being drugged and totally out of your mind due to the shit and piss you've been living in, you get hit, kicked, thrown, stepped on and manhandled toward death. All this just so another person can eat you.

One day it can be really great to live here. But it's not going to happen if you don't change. Who knows how much damage I have already done to my body in the past living the life I was. Its never too late. The sad thing is, there are people out there who are so much worse than me. A lot of them are the ones who are not giving in. We all know a few....probably more. I hate it. It forces me to slowly lose respect.

I dream of a place that is green with foliage, not greed.

I imagine land that is untouched, fertile and ready to give life.

I hope that one day the air will truly lift us up instead of bogging us down.

I want all of us to take a stand like we never have before and finally take them down.

I need this to be our land...a land where we are free to roam and eat what the earth gives us.

I fear that we won't make it........but my pride will never give up.

They Deserve to Live

A couple of years ago I decided I wanted to stop eating meat. Red meat at least. I was never a big meat eater anyway so I figured it would be easy. Towards the end of 2006 I started to read a lot on natural and organic foods. The more I read the more I wanted to change my life and my eating habits. I have always loved animals and felt I was a supporter of animal rights. I have never been a fan of leather or animal fur and it always made me upset when I thought of animal testing and torture. How can anyone be comfortable with this?

I remember this one time my cousin Alex, a vegetarian and huge animal rights activist, showed me a video on the Peta website that will haunt me forever. A kitten being tortured to test products. It was so horrible to watch that I couldn't even finish it. The tears that ran down my face were so intense. I just couldn't believe that this goes on everyday. These poor animals do not deserve any of it. I think its sick.

Years have gone by and the idea of eating meat gets less appealing even more and more. I didn't stop completely when I wanted to. I just cut down to maybe once or twice a month. It was hard for awhile when I was in a relationship with someone who loved meat but I tried my best to stick to my guns. Today I am proud to say I have given up most meat and don't even have the urge or the craving to put it in my body. I still do eat chicken but in time that will go too. Its a big step and I am so happy that I am moving towards a much healthier life.

There are plenty of things to eat besides meat. Some people I know absolutely love to eat it and will never give it up. Thats fine for them. People have the right to make their own choices for themselves. But I know that it is not healthy. Our bodies do not need it. Especially on a daily basis. Yuck! When people eat red meat more than 3 times a week it really grosses me out. Can you say clogged arteries? With all the

veggies and fruits in the world why even think of eating animals? There are tons of other ways to get protein.

It has gotten to a point where I can't even look at a hamburger without even thinking of the slaughtered cow. Their poor bodies hanging...bleeding. All this just so you can eat them. Its absurd! All the poor piggies, deer, and fish in the world that suffer just so humans can be greedy. And yes, its greed. Don't you all eat enough animals! Do you have to eat cute little bunnies? Do you have to shoot, kill and eat deer? Is there really a good reason to eat octopus and squid? NO. Its disgusting.

I am happy to know that I am not a part of that horrible cycle. I can live a carefree and guilt free life knowing that I am not a murderer. Even though you may not kill these animals yourself, you are eating them, which means you are the reason they are dying in the first place. I am sorry but no human is that special. I think its time people really think about what they put in their bodies and start making better choices. Not just for them, their health and their future but for all the creatures that live on this planet. They deserve to live a happy, healthy life as well.

What gives you the right to take another life?

Something...Anything

Since last week I have been sick with some weird bug. For days it has been the same and doesn't get worse or get any better. Sometimes I feel like I might be back to normal but then a dizzy spell or a chill reminds me that I'm not. I have been trying to rest up but everyday I have work to do. I am happy that I am able to be home and not have to get up and go to work everyday but it still isn't fun feeling lousy.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. My life just seems like its missing something. Thoughts of how my days used to be always comes to mind. I was always around people. Whether it was my friends, classmates or new people I came across, communication was always a big part of my life as well as my happiness. I am not the loner type. Not that I need hundreds of friends but I do like to have human contact with different people a lot of the time. The fact that pretty much all my close friends are in Jersey doesn't help. Sometimes I feel like I should just give up on trying to keep them in my life. I know that sounds shitty. I feel shitty saying it. But its true. It takes so much just to get them all together, if I am even lucky to accomplish that, and if it wasn't for Facebook I probably wouldn't even talk to most of them. Its sad and I hate it.

I understand the whole "things change when you grow up" deal but I don't agree with that completely. People do what they want to do, they see who they want to see and they call who they miss. Everyone is just so damn busy. I get it. Well, one thing I can say about myself is that I am busy too. This never got in the way of me keeping in touch with my friends. Maybe I am just different. Maybe I care too much. Whatever the reason, I know that I need to meet new people. I have two friends out here in Long Island and I hardly see them either. Its time for something new.

I miss sharing my thoughts and dreams. I somehow forgot how it feels to express myself towards something or someone new. I crave conversations. The closest thing to something new I have is getting in contact with people from my past. Sort of ironic if you ask me. I guess its also funny. In a sense it is someone new due to the years that have passed without contact. So catching up seems exciting because now you are both different people and have so much to learn about each other. New friendships can indeed blossom from past relationships.

These days I want something more. Something beautiful and mystifying. Something that will make me want to close my eyes and pinch myself because its too good to be true. Something spontaneous. Something that will warm my heart for weeks, not just for a minute. Something different. Something new. Something that inspires me to create endless words to describe it. Something that makes me feel whole.

Something....anything....

Fear to Let Go

The cinema is such a great place to be. It can take you away on a journey far from home or it can bring back memories of the past. It can also be a place where you can learn and gain information. I love film. Being that I am a photographer I find still moments to be beautiful and haunting at the same time. What I mean by haunting is that by taking a photo you can collect the soul of that moment and keep it forever. Memories are built to fade. Then you have photographs that bring it all back. It's amazing. Just like the art of photography, film is an integral part of capturing those once in a lifetime moments. The only difference is movement. It allows you to see through the soul of the subject in a more live way. So film to photography is like a concert to an album. Before it was still and somewhat unreal but then you see it come to life and you have a whole new perception of the band.

I have always loved watching films. I tend to go toward indie flicks most but I totally appreciate horror and foreign films as well. Of course, I cannot forget about comedy. They are the pick me ups when I need a good laugh. There is something so special about a movie that not only makes you feel something but pushes you to the edge so to speak. Expressing that emotion gained is a gift and when the film has the power to make that happen its a beautiful thing.

I have seen plenty of really great films in my time. Some that come to mind right away are Requiem for a Dream, Donnie Darko, The Life of David Gale, Little Miss Sunshine, Manic, LIE, Mysterious Skin, The Believer, Fight Club, Last Days, Elephant and Halloween. There are so many more to name but I will post more films to check out in a later write up. I also really love documentaries. Michael Moore is great. I have seen every one of his films besides Capitalism: A Love Story and thought they were all very fierce and knowledgeable . Adam Scorgie is good too. The Union really has opened up a lot of people's eyes to benefits of hemp and how resourceful it is. The cinema can really be a place that helps you better understand the world around you.

I love to see films and then deconstructing them after. Talk about the story. How the experience made me feel. There are so many important parts of a film to admire. Not only the screenplay but how the characters carried out the story. How it looked. Did it have cinematic or theatrical elements? Was the music a major part in the emotional tale? Did it engage you enough or push you away? These are all questions to think about when seeing a movie. Some people don't look at films this way. They want to see a movie, watch things get blown up and see crazy digital effects burst out of the screen. Thats fine sometimes but you have to admit there is so much more to filmmaking than that. Some people just don't appreciate those things. They don't see it. They are not looking for it. I always have.

The world I see around me is so much clearer through a lens. I have my camera in my hand and I am always ready to shoot. I listen to music and I create visions in my head. Visions I want to happen. Visions I want to shoot and capture for all to see. I feel that I have a unique point of view and people would appreciate it if they saw it, felt it and were able to touch it. When I am taking portraits of someone and I get that one good shot...nothing makes me happier. I see who they are and capture their soul. Maybe for a minute....a second even...but it was all mine. My moment. My vision. My memory that will never fade.

Maybe its not just my point of view I want to share. Maybe I don't want my memories to fade. The good ones at least. Maybe the camera is a tool that was made available to me by chance. A tool that is only being used because I have the raw talent to use it. Not because I am trying. Not because I want to express what's inside me. But because I want to create a moment and make it mine forever. Holding those minutes and hours with a subject and respectively stealing their beauty. Beauty that no one else has seen before. Because its my vision. A vision that holds nothing back and always asks for more. A vision that one day will be dark and serene. Floating towards the never-ending moments and memories I fear to let go.

Finally be Free

As I watch the news and catch some Oprah shows, I can't help but get annoyed at how alcohol is killing society. I am sorry if you disagree but it should be banned. At least raise the drinking age and take it more seriously. All it does is hurt and kill people. Too many people drive drunk and act stupid. Its not like its that great either. Ooh, getting drunk is fun....duh. Get over it already. There is no positive reason to drink. Find some other way to relax and have a good time. Get creative for once. It really pisses me off that weed is illegal yet it has never caused a death or sickness. Then you have alcohol and cigarettes which are the leading killers in this country. Its sad that America has it backwards. But then again what do you expect from the assholes in government and big business. They don't give a shit about the people who live here. If they did than cigarettes alone would be banned. Considering its a fact that they are harmful and can kill people. But they need to make millions off of our sickness, disease and deaths. Man, am I proud to be an American!

When I talk about how I feel about America with people they get upset and uncomfortable. Yes, I am opinionated, hence the blog, but I have a right to say how I feel. There are a lot of people who feel the same as me and they are speaking up all over the place. Good for them! This country needs to change, period. The more I hear stories about mothers driving drunk and killing a bunch of kids or a drunk driver hitting someone it makes me so sad. Just alcoholism alone is a huge problem. Every cancer case I hear about and tobacco commercial I see just makes me more pissed off at this country. Why is it that we have this killing machine built in our systems? Our government is constantly at war with its people, our rights are repeatedly being taken away and our laws don't make any sense! Why can't we just get it right?

Another horrible thing about America is its healthcare system. That isn't a surprise. I have felt this way for a long time. I have been on and off insurance for years and to tell you the truth, I'd rather not even be a part of it. Im surviving without it so why should I pump my money into the biggest soul crushing business out there. No thanks and fuck you! Hey, if they will find a way to fuck you over when you need them most why give them the time of day or your hard earned money. Money that is very hard to come by these days being our economy is so great and all. Yet another issue that needs to be resolved. This country has been around a long time and yet we still seem to have so much to learn. Now wonder other countries hate our government and feel bad for all of us Americans. Its embarrassing.

Michael Moore's film Sicko was eye opening. If you haven't seen it yet than rent it today. I cried throughout the whole film because there are so many people out there who suffer under the harsh hands of this country's greed. Its disgusting. People dying, misdiagnosed and worst of all, being denied care. We can only count on ourselves and the people we love. With all this going on how am I or anyone else supposed to feel comfortable trusting in this country to take care of us. Shouldn't we have pride for the country we live in? Aren't we supposed to stand up for the place we call home? Well, it looks like pride, trust and comfort all got thrown out the window when violence, greed, disease and lies took over.

Maybe one day we will all finally be free....