Fear to Let Go

The cinema is such a great place to be. It can take you away on a journey far from home or it can bring back memories of the past. It can also be a place where you can learn and gain information. I love film. Being that I am a photographer I find still moments to be beautiful and haunting at the same time. What I mean by haunting is that by taking a photo you can collect the soul of that moment and keep it forever. Memories are built to fade. Then you have photographs that bring it all back. It's amazing. Just like the art of photography, film is an integral part of capturing those once in a lifetime moments. The only difference is movement. It allows you to see through the soul of the subject in a more live way. So film to photography is like a concert to an album. Before it was still and somewhat unreal but then you see it come to life and you have a whole new perception of the band.

I have always loved watching films. I tend to go toward indie flicks most but I totally appreciate horror and foreign films as well. Of course, I cannot forget about comedy. They are the pick me ups when I need a good laugh. There is something so special about a movie that not only makes you feel something but pushes you to the edge so to speak. Expressing that emotion gained is a gift and when the film has the power to make that happen its a beautiful thing.

I have seen plenty of really great films in my time. Some that come to mind right away are Requiem for a Dream, Donnie Darko, The Life of David Gale, Little Miss Sunshine, Manic, LIE, Mysterious Skin, The Believer, Fight Club, Last Days, Elephant and Halloween. There are so many more to name but I will post more films to check out in a later write up. I also really love documentaries. Michael Moore is great. I have seen every one of his films besides Capitalism: A Love Story and thought they were all very fierce and knowledgeable . Adam Scorgie is good too. The Union really has opened up a lot of people's eyes to benefits of hemp and how resourceful it is. The cinema can really be a place that helps you better understand the world around you.

I love to see films and then deconstructing them after. Talk about the story. How the experience made me feel. There are so many important parts of a film to admire. Not only the screenplay but how the characters carried out the story. How it looked. Did it have cinematic or theatrical elements? Was the music a major part in the emotional tale? Did it engage you enough or push you away? These are all questions to think about when seeing a movie. Some people don't look at films this way. They want to see a movie, watch things get blown up and see crazy digital effects burst out of the screen. Thats fine sometimes but you have to admit there is so much more to filmmaking than that. Some people just don't appreciate those things. They don't see it. They are not looking for it. I always have.

The world I see around me is so much clearer through a lens. I have my camera in my hand and I am always ready to shoot. I listen to music and I create visions in my head. Visions I want to happen. Visions I want to shoot and capture for all to see. I feel that I have a unique point of view and people would appreciate it if they saw it, felt it and were able to touch it. When I am taking portraits of someone and I get that one good shot...nothing makes me happier. I see who they are and capture their soul. Maybe for a minute....a second even...but it was all mine. My moment. My vision. My memory that will never fade.

Maybe its not just my point of view I want to share. Maybe I don't want my memories to fade. The good ones at least. Maybe the camera is a tool that was made available to me by chance. A tool that is only being used because I have the raw talent to use it. Not because I am trying. Not because I want to express what's inside me. But because I want to create a moment and make it mine forever. Holding those minutes and hours with a subject and respectively stealing their beauty. Beauty that no one else has seen before. Because its my vision. A vision that holds nothing back and always asks for more. A vision that one day will be dark and serene. Floating towards the never-ending moments and memories I fear to let go.