Something...Anything

Since last week I have been sick with some weird bug. For days it has been the same and doesn't get worse or get any better. Sometimes I feel like I might be back to normal but then a dizzy spell or a chill reminds me that I'm not. I have been trying to rest up but everyday I have work to do. I am happy that I am able to be home and not have to get up and go to work everyday but it still isn't fun feeling lousy.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. My life just seems like its missing something. Thoughts of how my days used to be always comes to mind. I was always around people. Whether it was my friends, classmates or new people I came across, communication was always a big part of my life as well as my happiness. I am not the loner type. Not that I need hundreds of friends but I do like to have human contact with different people a lot of the time. The fact that pretty much all my close friends are in Jersey doesn't help. Sometimes I feel like I should just give up on trying to keep them in my life. I know that sounds shitty. I feel shitty saying it. But its true. It takes so much just to get them all together, if I am even lucky to accomplish that, and if it wasn't for Facebook I probably wouldn't even talk to most of them. Its sad and I hate it.

I understand the whole "things change when you grow up" deal but I don't agree with that completely. People do what they want to do, they see who they want to see and they call who they miss. Everyone is just so damn busy. I get it. Well, one thing I can say about myself is that I am busy too. This never got in the way of me keeping in touch with my friends. Maybe I am just different. Maybe I care too much. Whatever the reason, I know that I need to meet new people. I have two friends out here in Long Island and I hardly see them either. Its time for something new.

I miss sharing my thoughts and dreams. I somehow forgot how it feels to express myself towards something or someone new. I crave conversations. The closest thing to something new I have is getting in contact with people from my past. Sort of ironic if you ask me. I guess its also funny. In a sense it is someone new due to the years that have passed without contact. So catching up seems exciting because now you are both different people and have so much to learn about each other. New friendships can indeed blossom from past relationships.

These days I want something more. Something beautiful and mystifying. Something that will make me want to close my eyes and pinch myself because its too good to be true. Something spontaneous. Something that will warm my heart for weeks, not just for a minute. Something different. Something new. Something that inspires me to create endless words to describe it. Something that makes me feel whole.

Something....anything....